These Words shared by A Parent Which Rescued Us during my time as a First-Time Dad

"I think I was simply just surviving for a year."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the difficulties of becoming a dad.

But the reality rapidly became "very different" to his expectations.

Serious health problems around the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her chief support as well as taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… each outing. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his own dad, on a park bench, that led him to understand he needed help.

The straightforward statement "You aren't in a healthy space. You need support. In what way can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His experience is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now more accustomed to talking about the strain on mums and about PND, not enough is spoken about the challenges new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his challenges are symptomatic of a broader inability to communicate between men, who often absorb damaging perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It is not a display of failure to request help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - especially ahead of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental health is equally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the chance to ask for a respite - going on a couple of days overseas, away from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He came to see he had to make a change to consider his and his partner's feelings alongside the practical tasks of looking after a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan believes these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and interpret his decisions as a father.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without reliable male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, profound emotional pain resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "bad choices" when in his youth to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as an escape from the anguish.

"You turn to behaviours that are harmful," he notes. "They might briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse."

Advice for Coping as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - when you are swamped, confide in a friend, your partner or a professional about your state of mind. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the things that helped you to feel like you before having a baby. It could be playing sport, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the body - nutritious food, staying active and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your emotional health is faring.
• Meet other new dads - listening to their journeys, the messy ones, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help does not mean you've failed - taking care of your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead offer the stability and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the frustrations safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men because they faced their struggles, changed how they communicate, and learned to regulate themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I wrote, at times I think my job is to guide and direct you what to do, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am understanding as much as you are in this journey."