Nighttime Hosts Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Immigration Program

Television's prominent hosts devoted the broadcast criticizing former President Donald Trump's newly announced immigration program, dubbed the "Trump card," describing it as a blatant pay-to-play scheme for the affluent.

Stephen Colbert's Pointed Analysis

Kicking off his broadcast, Stephen Colbert offered a satirical holiday song targeting the president. "He's compiling a list, reviewing it twice, before handing that list to the officials at ICE," he sang. "Donald Trump ... destroys all he touches."

The subject was the controversial plan which allows foreign individuals to buy U.S. residency for the price of $1 million dollars, with a "top-tier" tier for five million. The program's website pledges approval "faster than ever."

"One thought here to wealthy applicants: prior to you pay, have you considered Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He explained that the program is also meant to "get cash" from companies looking to hire skilled workers, with large fees. "That's a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you also get free accommodation at a property of your choice – provided that it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he continued.

"The most thorough background check the government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these individuals truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Commentary

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"It's a card that will allow wealthy international individuals to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get official visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your choice."

"It might be time to change that poem on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your poor masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel teased the lack of detail of the application, noting it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"That's right, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Economic Issues

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's declining poll ratings during financial concerns. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term because they were upset about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a attempt to discuss affordability, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a array of grocery items, where he behaved peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."

"Trump is so extremely weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by mocking right-leaning news coverage of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he joked.