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This year represents a full decade since the phrase “disappearing” entered the mainstream. At the time, the concept that someone could instantly end communication with a lover without any notice seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a mate has only become more confounding – an oftentimes pointless exercise in humiliation that is increasingly pigeonholed by online jargon.

Gen Z, a generation who grew up during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a concerted challenge on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier environment than their Gen Y elders could ever fathom. And so their dating vocabulary has grown longer and more bizarre, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a extensive glossary to the phrases Zoomers is using to discuss romance, sex and the search of both. To echo one of the recent most viral online sayings, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – According to gen Z, dating’s gold standard is presenting as your real, unvarnished self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend connected to a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your partner’s response is inquisitive or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while radiating mystery and self-sufficiency. (She might still have that fringe.)

C

Support test – This signifies seeking out someone who helps you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a chair for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people form a link while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained people in their 20s do low-cost romance in a inflation-era world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or split, spilling all of your unreciprocated feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 1980s yuppie affluence, it describes pairs who opt out of having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of playing it cool: embracing dialogue, transparency and openness.

The Letter F

Flags

• Danger signals – Personal habits signaling a potential partner is bad news. Such as calling their former partners crazy, subpar tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Green flags – These quirks affirm your decision to date a mate. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe specific, mostly inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (nothing fosters intimacy faster than having a common enemy).

G

Geese – A band many young men is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally postponing orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women’s increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An ideal promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and usually everyday turnoffs that immediately shut down any sense of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an extremely romantic gesture.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in fields they perceive as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be numbered since some gen Z want fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy authentic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {